I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
