yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
