put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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