his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
