We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
