Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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