Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
