I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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