So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
the liver wants what the liver wants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
