But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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