the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
