About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize