careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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