I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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