Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
