I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
