Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
