Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
