why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
