Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
