She is in my trunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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