There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
