My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
