Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
wow bdsm is so cute
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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