I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
