I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
