he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
