someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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