Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
