My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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