I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
