He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
