Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
