Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
