I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
