chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
