Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
