I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
