Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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