South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
