I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
