I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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