you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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