Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.