did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.