I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy