It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
