plz talk dirty to me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
