Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
