"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
