No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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