I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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