Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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