i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
