Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize