Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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