I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
