Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
