I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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