My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This house was built for laser tag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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