apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
