seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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